So, I’ve officially gotten through 2 1/2 months of this incredible journey. When people tell you that you are going to be tired you are like.. yeah I get it but how bad could it be. Let me tell you that it wasn’t that bad. I don’t know if it was because I was just expecting it to be so much worse or that CJ is like the best baby ever. He is already sleeping through the night which I have been told is pretty great. I don’t really know any different since this is my first baby. To me everything is normal.
However, I have been struggling with other things. I definitely thought it would be sleep deprivation but it isn’t. My confidence has taken an all time low. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see what I used to. My body isn’t the same and it never will be. I had the privilege of bringing a child into this earth and I don’t take that lightly. I just want to be open and honest about how I am feeling.
This is hard. And some days I cry. Some days I want to eat less because I don’t want to gain anymore weight. Some days I just want chocolate to make me feel better. Some days I feel happy. Some days I feel sad. Hormones are still a little bit crazy. But I do KNOW that brighter days are ahead. I won’t always feel this way. It is just a season that I really have to dig deeper into who God says I am.
If you are currently struggling with this.. let’s talk. PLEASE. We need each other. A lot of times we get so caught up into trying to make others think that our lives are perfect and we don’t ever have a bad day. Let’s be real. Let’s stop trying to be something we are not. Let’s encourage each other.
If you see someone beautiful, smile at them instead of looking away or seeing if your bae is looking at them. (I cannot be the only one that has done this) You never know what kind of day someone else is having. You could be that one person that changes things for them. Be kind to one another.
I know sometimes when I go to the store with my husband and I feel like I look like I just rolled out of bed, I can get incredibly insecure. That is never an excuse to give a dirty look or be mean to someone else. I desire to love people the way Jesus did. Unconditionally. No matter how I am feeling it is an intention decision to choose love over all else. And do I do it all the time? No. But I truly do desire to have that same heart as Jesus. And that requires a lot of dying to my flesh. But I am so ready to make that sacrifice. Everything we go through teaches us something. Find the good is your bad.
It only takes one match to light a candle that can light thousands of others. Be that match. I promise you will not regret it.