EMOTIONS. And lots of them. This has been one of those life experiences that I will NEVER forget. I’ve had so many ups and downs. I’ve had to say sorry a lot to my husband. But it has taught me so much.
When I first got pregnant, I was incredibly nervous. As I’ve shared before, not knowing whether or not I’d be a good mom was on the forefront of my mind. God took care of that fear.
Then the hormones started to run wild. A lot of people told me it was okay. And to some extent I understood what they said. I’m pregnant. I’m allowed to feel the way I feel. But there is a very fine line. And I kept finding myself crossing over to the wrong side. I didn’t want to be that way.
Not because I was trying to not be “human” but because my husband deserves more than that. He deserves to be respected. No matter what I’ve got going on inside. It isn’t his fault and he shouldn’t have to bear that burden. And what I found, was that the more I apologized to him.. the easier it became to control them. I couldn’t have done it without God. I repented a lot and prayed. I wanted to show something different though. I’m all about breaking the norm of how things are “supposed” to go. Or how I am supposed to dress or look to the world.
Then the self-image came. Man, it’s been pretty rough. Seeing my body transform and gaining weight in areas that I don’t like is not fun. Who does though, right? But what God is doing on the inside of me is creating life. A life that is going to change the world. And I have the privilege to be his mother. To care and nurture him. A few pounds here and there has nothing on that. And I know after having the baby it’s going to take some time to get back to where I want to be but these battle scars are worth it.
All in all to sum this up:
1. I can do this. Not because I’m so awesome but because I’ve got God on my side.
2. Be nice. It can be hard to keep our emotions in check but it’s not impossible.
3. I am beautiful. Not because I’m comparing myself to what society says is beautiful but because my CREATOR says I am. And that’s all the confirmation I need. And I have an amazing husband that tells me EVERY SINGLE DAY.
//Quick shoutout to Joshua Eldridge. You are amazing. The way you’ve cared for me these past 9 months and even back to when we were just friends.. you’ve been consistent. And I never have a doubt in my mind that to you I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I couldn’t have gotten through this without you. You are the real MVP. And Carter is one blessed kid to have you as his father. ily ❤️
Until next time ✌🏽