This is a topic that I don’t talk about often. When asked about my parents, my answer is typically very short. I do not really know my mother and my father lives about an hour and a half away. Although those statements are very true there is so much more to that story.
What about the nights as a child that I cried myself to sleep because I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Why didn’t my parents want me? Everyday I would see other children picked up from school by a mother or father. Most of the time they both had on such illuminating smiles as they laid eyes on each other after 8 hours. A warm embrace followed and off they went.
Now do not get me wrong. I had WONDERFUL grandparents that were the father and mother I didn’t have. But what it the same? No. And how could it be? There is something special about a mother and father raising a child together. Now do I expect it to be a fairytale? No. But as a kid it was something that I did not have.
I remember there was a snow globe full of roses that my grandmother would give me on those really rough nights. I would shake it and be distracted watching what was first chaos inside followed by the peace of seeing everything settle down. She’d pray at the end of my bed until I drifted off to sleep. In the morning I would forget all about it because it was her bright smile coming in to wake me up for school. She was always so full of joy and love. I don’t know what I would have done without her. My grandfather was the same way. A little more stern but I always knew he loved me and he always had a way of reminding me.
Eventually I learned that this was just how my life was. I was different. At least there was SOMEONE that loved me. Did it hurt? Yeah. But it was reality. And I could either choose to be sad about it or make the most of what I had.
” Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord cares for me.” Psalms 27:10 CSB
This was a key verse growing up for me. I clung to it and recited it. I knew that God was in control. He was there every night. Every step of the way. All this to say: There is nothing wrong with you. Whether you have a story like mine or you’ve felt rejected in other ways just know that you are AMAZING. If someone doesn’t like you for the color of your skin, how you speak, how you dress, or whatever it may be… it is their problem not yours.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body’ all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalms 139:13-16 NIV
You are qualified.
You are worthy.
You are loved.
XOXO – Bianca